


It Was Your Doom

by lovethatwewerein



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-27 18:17:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20952815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovethatwewerein/pseuds/lovethatwewerein
Summary: Blaine admitted that he found this particular dispute absolutely hilarious based purely on the fact that they never used the same insult twice. “You want me to find someone that will tell you who they think sings Smooth Criminal better out of the two of you?”After endless arguments, Sebastian and Santana were finally ready to get a definite answer. Blaine's left to find them a judge quickly, and he might not have the worst idea.





	It Was Your Doom

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. I want it noted that I panicked and couldn't think of anyone else that would be mostly impartial to both Sebastian and Santana. I'm sorry if you don't like who I picked, but the choice was limited.

If you had asked Blaine Anderson in high school where he thought he’d be in a year, he could say with absolute certainty that he didn’t expect to be sat on his coffee table watching his boyfriend and his boyfriend’s best friend argue over who sang a song better two years before. However, that’s exactly where he was. 

They’d been arguing for the better part of an hour while he sat on the table eating Jaffa cakes and wondering if they’d forgotten his existence. It wouldn’t be the first time. 

He would never deny loving Sebastian or Santana but days like this made him question why. They were two of the most similar people he had ever met. Both were stubborn, sarcastic and self-assured. Such traits often made people detest them rather quickly, so they had flocked together. Blaine was grateful that they each had a friend that they could relate to on such a spiritual level, but it also led to this damn argument more often than he’d care to admit. 

For something that had happened two years ago, neither of them was willing to admit defeat. No matter where they were, given the opportunity they would sing Smooth Criminal exactly as they had in Dalton’s choir room. They always sounded great together, their voices blended beautifully. It was an awful shame that they only ever sang it as rivals. 

Their friends continually put up with their feud because it made for great entertainment, but no one was going to tell them who they thought was the better singer. Sebastian and Santana were formidable when provoked and everyone worried that they would end up on the receiving end of the other’s bad temper. They were entertained, not stupid. 

Blaine admitted that he found this particular dispute absolutely hilarious based purely on the fact that they never used the same insult twice. For the sheer amount of times they’d had this argument, he was in genuine shock that they’d never had reuse anything. Thanks to Santana, he was now able to tell someone that they resembled a cheesy eighties movie villain in Spanish. And thanks to Sebastian, he had the ability to explain that someone’s only redeeming quality was their choice in best friends in French. He didn’t doubt for a minute that they spent an obscene amount of time thinking of what to say the next time they argued. 

“Blaine!” He was knocked out of his reverie by Sebastian yelling his name. This wouldn’t be good. 

“Huh? Yeah. What?” _Real smooth Anderson. Real smooth._ Santana sighed from beside Sebastian. 

“We asked if you would find us an impartial judge so we can determine once and for all that I’m the better singer.” That was definitely not what he expected. They were actually going to stop fighting about the damn duet. He looked up to see them arguing again. Such fragile egos. 

“You want me to find someone that will tell you who they think sings Smooth Criminal better out of the two of you?” 

“That’s what I said, Frodo,” He glared at Santana but couldn’t help noticing Sebastian nodding behind her. “Can you do it or not?” 

Finding a judge would be easy, he just had to get someone to agree. That was the hard part. There was no one he could think of that wouldn’t want to incur the wrath of either of them. Maybe Artie? It wouldn’t go down well if they hurt a kid in a wheelchair. Or Trent? He was pretty fair. No. Almost everyone had a distinct show choir loyalty to either of them. God Fucking Dammit. 

* 

It was already Friday and he was nowhere near finding a judge for their stupid sing-off. He’d debated asking Wes but that would mean him flying out and Blaine wasn’t going to ask him to do that. He’d have to ask someone that was in New York at the time, but that really did limit his options. He’d decided to stop at the coffee shop around the corner from his and Sebastian’s flat before class since they had run out of coffee again. He’d been so lost in trying to think of a judge that he didn’t notice he was walking straight towards someone until- 

“Ow. Fuck.” 

Blaine glanced up quickly, ready to apologize to the stranger when he recognized who exactly was standing in front of him. This day could not get any weirder. 

“Blaine, right. Kurt’s boyfriend?” He nodded, wishing he could survive without coffee. This was too awkward for Blaine to handle. “I’m Brody. Rachel’s ex. We met a while ago.” _Snap out of it, Anderson. _

“Umm yeah. Brody. Right,” _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ “How have you been?” Is that something you ask a dude you met once who turned out to be a gigolo? He didn’t know. Brody smiled a bit awkwardly but didn’t run away screaming. 

“I’ve been alright. Work and all,” This could not get any more awkward. “How’s Rachel?” _Well, Anderson, you were wrong. _

“She’s been good, yeah. Really good,” _Shit. Shit. Shit._ “I’m seeing her tonight actually.” 

“Well, I know it’s awkward but could you – you know, tell her that I miss her.” Brody shrugged, as if this was no big deal. _You are a gigolo, dude. Why would she care that you miss her? Stop being so judgmental Blaine. God. _

Then, as if the heavens had opened up, Blaine had an epiphany. How could he have been so blind? The man already hated Santana for ruining his relationship with Rachel, it wouldn’t take more than a couple of minutes for him to equally hate Sebastian. This was perfect. 

“You could tell her yourself. Come to my place later and see her. We’re having a little get-together at my flat,” _Blaine Anderson, you are a genius._ “I’m sure she’d like to see you again.”  
“Dude, I don’t know. Kurt didn’t seem to like me much after that,” Brody was worried about Kurt. Easy fix. “And I don’t think he’d - “ 

“Kurt won’t be there.” 

“Wait, what? I thought you two were together.” 

“We were. We broke up a while ago actually. He’s visiting his family at the minute.” Brody seemed to consider the offer again. _Come on, you are my one chance._ “It’ll be fun.”  
“Um... Sure. Where and when?” He quickly wrote his address down on the notes app of Brody’s phone, told him to be there for 7, and promptly ran off. He would start writing his will in class. 

* 

People started showing up from 6, and by people, he meant Santana. When she showed up, Blaine decided to spend as much time hiding in the kitchen as possible. Everyone was supposed to get here for around half past, but Blaine needed to tell everyone who was judging Santana and Sebastian’s little competition before he showed up. His hands shook with slight laughter, but also nerves, when he heard a mix of Spanish and French coming from the living room. Clearly, his boyfriend had decided to start provoking Santana early. 

Everyone arrived by quarter to seven and Blaine had to curse Nick and Jeff for having awful time management. He’d only have fifteen minutes to calm everyone down, instead of the half hour he’d expected. He stepped away from Sebastian’s embrace and paused the music, choosing to stand on the coffee table so he could be seen by all their friends. 

“We all know that we’re here to finally settle Sebastian and Santana’s long-time disagreement over who sang Smooth Criminal better. They asked me to find an impartial judge earlier this week, and I have,” There was silence in the flat, and Blaine wasn’t entirely sure he could go through with this. “Some of you will know him quite well and have an opinion on him as a person. Others will likely have heard of him over the course of the last year or so.” 

“Who is it, Frodo?” Santana called from where she was stood near the back of the room next to Brittany. 

He took a deep breath and decided to get it over with. “Brody Weston.” 

Dead silence followed the statement, and Blaine took note of the various expressions around the room. Rachel looked ready to burst into tears and he could see the anger in Santana’s eyes. Puck was attempting to stifle his giggles and Trent was shaking his head. Surprisingly, the first person to speak up was Rachel. 

“Ok.” 

That simple statement meant more to Blaine than he’d ever expected. Rachel wasn’t going to hate him for this. The room filled with people muttering between themselves and Blaine made his way over to Rachel. He felt guilty about not telling her beforehand. He grabbed her hand when he reached her and dragged her into the kitchen. 

“Are you sure this is ok?” Her eyes were slightly shimmery, and her hand was shaking in his. “I can send him home.” She took a deep breath and he could almost hear her giving herself a pep talk. He watched as her shoulders became firm and she looked him in the eye. 

“This needs to be settled, and I know that Brody’s bound to hate Sebastian as much as Santana. It’s a fair fight,” She nodded resolutely. “Plus, I need some form of closure. This is a good thing. Trust me, Blaine Warbler.” 

“That’s still not my name.” 

“I don’t care.” He laughed as he watched her walk back into the living room. Thank god for Rachel Berry. 

The next few minutes passed too slowly in Blaine’s mind. It was nearing 7 and he was not anticipating the reactions people would have when Brody showed up. There was a knock at 7 on the dot and Blaine moved to answer it. Rachel had been glancing at the door constantly for the last minute or so and he wasn’t sure how she’d react now Brody was actually here. 

To his surprise, she stood right beside him as he went to open the door. “Open it, Blaine.” She said, and that was all the encouragement he needed. Brody was stood on the other side shifting from foot to foot. He was just as nervous about this as the rest of them. He could feel Santana’s glare from here, and he was glad he’d written a brief outline of his will earlier. 

“Brody, good to see you again.” Rachel said, and budged him out of the way to let her ex in. Sebastian came over to them when he noticed Blaine lingering at the front door awkwardly as Rachel pointed people out to Brody. 

Blaine snapped out of it when Rachel introduced Sebastian. His boyfriend shook the other’s hand and Blaine could tell by the way Sebastian’s eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning that he was about to insult Brody in a way he wouldn’t process until later that evening. 

“It’s so nice to meet you without having to pull my wa-” Sebastian was cut off by Blaine elbowing him in the stomach. “What I meant is that it’s nice to meet you without breaking the ba-” 

“Sebastian.” Blaine hissed. His boyfriend glared at him but nodded. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Brody.” Sebastian seemed like he was in physical pain, so Blaine led him away from Rachel and Brody, towards Santana, but was kind of glad when he heard Brody mumble ’is he always that rude?’ to Rachel. 

Half an hour later, after Rachel had introduced Brody to absolutely everyone in the room, and thoroughly embarrassed Trent, Blaine decided it was time to get it over with. He’d asked everyone to not tell Brody that he was judging Santana and Sebastian’s performances, just let him be the only one to express his opinion on it. He once again stood on the table so he could be seen. 

“Alright you lot. You know that we can’t have a get together without those two-” He gestured to Sebastian and Santana, who were stood on opposite ends of the coffee table. “trying to impress us all with their rendition of Smooth Criminal we have all heard too much. Hopefully, the argument will finally end tonight. So, take a seat and listen to a song we all know by heart but will listen to again because we love these idiots.” 

He watched as everyone relaxed wherever they had been stood, some people choosing to remain standing but leaning against the walls, others sitting wherever they could find somewhere. Blaine nodded at Jeff, who started the instrumental and then sat down. 

Whenever his boyfriend and Santana sang this song, he couldn’t help but think it was the most intense game of musical chairs he had ever witnessed. They lost themselves in the competitiveness of it, choosing to wonder around the room and annoy the shit out of everyone. He chanced a glance at Brody to see his eyes wider than usual and hoped that was a good sign. He danced along with Trent and Sam because, despite the intensity of the song, it was rather catchy. 

The song ended to applause. No matter how often they heard it, they were all willing to admit that it was impressive. No two people would have managed to sound so at war with their best friend for the purpose of winning than them, and it showed. The room became silent once more and Blaine rushed over to where Santana and Sebastian were talking quietly. 

“Let’s go see what Brody thought, shall we?” They both followed him, finally ready to discover which of them was better. He was tense, because as fair as this was, neither was going to react well to the results. 

They caught Rachel and Brody in the midst of what seemed to be a rather intense conversation, and Blaine thought that maybe they should come back later but Sebastian grabbed his arm as he went to turn around. 

“Well, Weston, who sang it best?” he had to admire Santana’s lack of preamble. Granted it was kind of rude, but he’d really expected nothing less. Both Brody and Rachel looked up to see the three of them standing there, Blaine terrified and the other two terrifying. 

“You were both very good.” Brody seemed to have picked up on the fact that no one had ever told them who was better before. 

“We know that, Weston, but who was better?” Sebastian’s voice was sharp and Blaine almost flinched. For all his denial, Sebastian had grown to care about Rachel, and he didn’t like having the man who’d hurt her so badly in his flat. Brody was taken aback by the bluntness of the statement and gulped visibly. 

“Well, as much as I loathe to say this, because it makes me physically ill, I think Santana was better,” There was a short silence that was broken by Santana yelling ‘thank you’ and ‘fuck you Sebastian’. Brody hurried to continue when Sebastian kept his eyes on him. “The notes she sang were more impressive and I think she complimented your voice more than you complimented hers.” 

Blaine almost facepalmed, only not doing so because Sebastian had begun speaking in a low voice. “Weston, I think you need to leave. I’m about to say some very unsavory things and I doubt you’d want to hear them, based on you being the sole focus of them all.” Blaine sighed. 

Not really knowing what else to do, he mumbled apologies to Rachel and Brody, ignored Santana’s yell of ’Frodo’ and dragged Sebastian to the bedroom. 

He found himself extremely grateful for Nick and Santana when he came out of the bedroom a few hours later in only his trousers to find everything clean. He owed them both, but his boyfriend was naked a few rooms down and that took precedent in his mind.


End file.
